[1.4] Coffee and a Caramel Short Black?

The one thing that Andre found more annoying than getting slapped with a hefty fine from illegal parking (which was unfortunately a recurring circumstance in his life) was his utter lack of knowledge in the realm of coffee-latte-talk. Yes he drank Cappuccinos and Lattes almost once every couple of days, but the finer details never failed to baffle him.

What exactly is a Latte? Isn’t a Latte in the same family as tea? Cappuccinos hail from the same ancestors as coffee- that much I think I know. So what is an espresso then? Long Black and Flat White: they sound like political parties. My poor, poor brain.

Andre looked up and down the long McCafe drinks menu, instantly feeling a strain in his brain nerves (the exact name of the nerves are not known – but one would probably be the ‘logic’ nerve). The longer Andre stared at it, the more it resembled a periodic table. This was definitely designed for the mentally advanced, not for the common man, Andre thought to himself. He had once plucked up the courage to ask about the different names on the drinks menu, but his memory had failed him, as usual. Instantly feeling his IQ dip a few figures lower than the average man, Andre figured the only way to salvage his lost dignity was to order an ‘experienced-coffee drinker’s choice’. ‘Fake it til you make it’, that was the saying wasn’t it?

‘How can I help you sir?’ came the voice behind the counter.

Hey this might just be identical to Sub-way’s food menu! Piece of cake. Andre closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, to which an eyebrow was raised by the man behind the counter in confusion. ‘I know this might not be the time of the day, haha, but I think I’ll need a strong one to keep me going through the day. I will just go with a Caramel Short Black please,’ came Andre’s all too intelligent reply. The next few seconds were spent in silence. The two men (one who looked too confused and another who looked too smug) both stood leaning on the Café counter, with a handful of customers in line waiting to see what came next.


Realising it was the only smart thing to do, Andre changed his answer to a far more ordinary one. ‘A cup of hot tea I meant’, and gave a crooked, awkward smile.


Another David said...

I consider myself somewhat of a coffee drinker, but... what's a short black??

André Leech said...

There isn't such a thing as a short black. I was trying to be smart. Look how that turned out haha!

The Analyst said...

Really interesting blog yours... started reading the first...and this. Your tribute to the coffee worshippers??

André Leech said...

Hey The Analyst, yes I guess this would be a tribute to all the coffee drinkers out there haha. Happy you are reading.

Lady V said...

Hahaha....I get mind boggled when ordering too! And there should be no illegally parking. We should park wherever the f*ck we want:)

André Leech said...

Exactly! I have had 2 parking tickets in the last month alone. Geez

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