[2.4] Tale of Two Awkward Men

Andre stood standing in front of Monash University Bicycle Shop. He looked down sharply and his eyes were greeted by the great big well-rounded ball that was his tummy. This was his chance to do something about it, and possibly look the way Brad Pitt did in the poster hanging behind Andre’s bedroom door. His eyes skimmed through the range of bicycles available behind the glass windows briefly and finally decided to open the door.

“Hello” said the shopkeeper, in an almost hostile tone. He had an amazingly square jaw, and pearly white teeth that would most probably reflect the moonlight perfectly in the night. His hair was combed neatly back, and he was wearing a singlet which drooped so low his nipples were partly visible. He was bow-legged, clearly the result of years of vigorous bike riding. He looked no older than 25.

“Hi, I was looking for a bicycle” came Andre’s hesitant reply. There were piles of bicycle parts in literally every single corner of the room. The shop space was so minimal Andre found it a huge challenge just to make it to the only available space in front of the shopkeeper, who was standing rather awkwardly in the middle of a mountain of trash. When he finally managed to claw his way to the front of the man, the proximity between the two men was so close Andre could smell the Hawaiian pizza from the shopkeeper’s breath.

“Okay. Erm… What kind of erm….bicycle?” The shopkeeper replied, and the uncertainty in his voice discomforted Andre.

“Just anything really. Anything that maybe… like that one” Andre’s sentence ended so abruptly that the shopkeeper stood rooted to the spot in anticipation of a continuation.

“Oh” A pause which felt like a full 10 minutes followed, before an answer was finally given. “Erm…Well, we have actually sold out most of our bicycles. And by most, I mean all”.

Another silence filled the small, cramp space which the two men stood in, this time definitely more deafening than the last. Andre did not know what to say next. His brain seemed to be drawing little doodles in its imaginary drawing pad, completely leaving Andre to his own.

“But I guess I could give you the phone number of another bicycle shop, just around the corner in Moorabin”

“How am I supposed to bring a bicycle back after purchasing it from another suburb altogether?” Andre asked impatiently.

“I guess…maybe..erm..maybe you could just take a bus? And then… I guess you could maybe just cycle it back? I don’t know” replied the shopkeeper, still standing astoundingly in the exact same spot all the while. Andre could feel the conversation heading rapidly towards another abyss.

“Could I just leave my number with you and you give me a ring once you receive new stock please?” came Andre’s feeble attempt at keeping the conversation going.

“Sure… Then I will just give you a call when I get stock. But I won’t know what we might get. Erm… We might get something too small or too large. Erm.. But yeah okay. I shall keep your number”

With that, Andre forced a wide smile and said a quick thanks, before running out the door. Once outside, Andre felt the oxygen re-enter his lungs. Life seemed to brimming with colour and energy. Everyone smiled caringly at each other, and everyone walked with such a bounce Andre felt as though he was on drugs. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives, and Andre never wanted to enter the bicycle shop ever again.

“Gosh, what an awkward man” Andre said in a nearly audible whisper before beginning his walk home, oblivious to the fact that the shopkeeper was feeling exactly the same way.


Lady V said...

Tres, Tres, AWKWARD! Weird-O. Hawaiian Pizza...ewww! Tell him to brush his teeth next time!:)

SomedayWifey said...

Gotta love when you have those kinds of encounters.

Working in a coffee shop, I encounter many of those people each day. Some of them, its a wonder they even have made it where they have in life.

Awkward situations FTW.

Johana Hill said...

You would think he was brushing off your flirtatious advances! Ha! I have a problem with salespeople. Well not all but most of them. If you can't sell don't apply for the job. If you can't smile do not even look at sales vacancies.

Geez if I were you I would have cussed his ass off! Pffttt...

And you know he won't call you right? When new stock arrives? o_O

Vic said...

Where o where did my little buddy go:( Miss his posts!!!!!

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